My Old Man (football song)

My Old Man song is a football song sung by fans of English and Northern Irish Association football clubs. Usage has declined in recent years as the aspects of hooliganism it depicts has also decreased. It is sung to the melody of the song "Don't Dilly Dally (My Old Man Said Follow The Van)", popularised by Marie Lloyd. Different versions of the song are sung by different sets of fans. It was initially sung by Aston Villa fans about their cross-city rivals Birmingham City.

Example:

My old man said be a (own club name) fan

And don't dilly dally^[1] on the way".

We took the (rival club ground) in half a minute,

We took (other rival football team) and all that's in it

With hatchets and hammers, Stanley knifes and spanners

we'll show the bastards how to fight

If you can't beat a (main rival nickname) then you're not a (own club name) fan

ALL TOGETHER NOW!

My old man said be a Linfield fan

And don't dilly dally on the way".

We took The Oval ^[2] in half a minute,

We took Coleraine and the bastards in it

With hatchets and hammers, Stanley knives and spanners

we'll show the bastards how to fight

If you can't beat a Glenman in a half a minute then you're not a Linfield fan

ALL TOGETHER NOW!

The shorter version:

My old man said be a <rival team> fan,
I said "Fuck off, bollocks, you're a cunt!"

The alternative shorter version:

My old man said be a <rival team> fan,
I said "Fuck off, bollocks, you're a cunt! Have a banana"

Alternate (clean) version:

My old man said be a <rival team> Fan,
I said "No!"

References